Panda Fun Time

Aside from the fact that they could crush you within an inch of your life, there’s no mistaking the cuddly attraction of pandas. Granted, if you ever came face to face with one, the inclination to wrap your arms around it’s fluffy black and white fur would soon be thwarted by the onslaught of 200+ lbs of muscle, teeth and claws returning the favor.

But, let’s not allow facts to get in the way here. I mean, just look at the panda. Something this adorable couldn’t harm a fly, let alone a crazed adult male running at it with his arms outstretched in a salutary embrace, screaming, “Panda wanna huggie?!?!?”

Some may proclaim there’s a safety risk and that I’m not looking at the bigger picture, but that’s not so. A panda’s natural diet consists mostly of bamboo, which is nothing like meat, almost guaranteeing safe passage. Also worth noting, they are solitary creatures. Solitary equals lonely. And lonely could use a little company. So, really, how could this possibly be dangerous?

Okay, maybe it’s just a teensy-weensy bit dangerous. However, there’s an alternative option that does not require heavy medication and hours of endless therapy, not to mention critical medical care. It’s called Panda Fun Time.

You may be asking yourself, what exactly is “Panda Fun Time” and how does one participate in it. Seriously, I’m almost positive you are asking yourself this question.

Well, quite frankly, it’s a state of mind.

First, you must be like the panda. Imagine yourself cradled in a woolly mass of soft fur, your eyes masked with patches of black, your sharp teeth gnawing on a bamboo shoot.

In the zone, yet? Good. Now, imagine yourself, as the panda, sitting in a bumper car at the fair. As you collide with your fellow drivers, you growl and swipe your hands in their direction. Roar in triumph every time you knock someone off their intended trajectory. Revel in witnessing the abject fear in everyone’s eyes at the sight of a rogue panda terrorizing the fair.

Yeah, it sounds like fun, huh? What’s that, you ask, what medication am I on? Hmmph, I don’t think you’re buying into this. Not one bit.